The Apprentice is back! Tom Baxter for one is excited.
Thought I’d try being furious:
Job Application: JF1010-46
To communications@interimperformers.com
To whom it may concern,
I pull no punches. I f***ing want this job as interim Marketing and Communications Director and believe you me I will have it. Money is my bread, and I want a loaf. I will bake my arms off to get one. You might think the perfect applicant must get their hands dirty. Mine will get burnt.
I’ve got genuine experience of the industry and the requisite business nose too. This is beyond dispute. Unfortunately for you, the result of this is that I demand a sky-high salary. £85,000+. Believe me every 0, 5 and 8 of that will be worth it.
What’s the next stage of the application process? I can provide a CV on demand, but I don’t give things up lightly.
All the best,
T. B.
I reached my wit’s end the other day (can I say that when we’re talking about five months previous?) and resorted to lying shamefacedly but that was ok because it was through the non-face medium of email, and I smacked off this application. It’s more than just this email - click on the bloody links. I think it was actually a good package but the Circle Recruitment guys didn’t think so. Seem to remember the salary being circa £50,000. Unfortunately I’ve yet to see a penny of it as they never emailed me back.
Here’s my application:
Solutions Architect Job Application
To emma.johnston@circlerecruitment.com
Hi, I am applying for the job of Solutions Architect in Manchester. Here is my cover letter, and here is my CV (both are Google Docs). For reasons explained in my cover letter, I would recommend reading my cover letter first.
Best wishes,
Tom Baxter
Editor’s note: For the idiots who don’t know about hyperlinks, I’ve helpfully put copy-and-paste jobs of the documents below:
Tom Baxter CV
THIS DOCUMENT IS NOT HERE- PLEASE SEE MY COVER LETTER FOR EXPLANATION AS TO WHERE IT IS.
Tom Baxter Cover Letter
Dear Missus Emma Johnston,
My name is Tom Baxter. I herewith apply for the job of Software Architect in Manchester, in return for £65,000 a year. As will unravel in the current epistle, I hail from Italy by way of Britain, and am hopelessly keen for this job. Please, peruse my offer at your pleasure.
I begin. The second time I knew I wanted to be a software architect was when I saw the recent film Inception (2010). Not only is it a complete thriller - I sat on my seat for the entire film - but it is also a fascinating exploration into the tensions and troubles involved in multi-layering architectural systems of software. To be the architect! Leonardo Di Caprio, a man, like me, of Italian origin*!
The second time, I say, because I already knew before that I wanted to be a software architect. For that, we can reserve only the descriptor ‘the first time.’ I have degrees in both software development (Florence University) and both architecture (Cambridge University). To bring the two together is a passion that to be most honest can only, only, be realised in the position of Software Architect. “To deny a man his passion is to deny a thunderbolt of Zeus” (Homer, The Odyssey)
I can’t find my CV because I have just moved into a new computer, but if you could see it you would enjoy it. Let’s just say that I’ve hinted at its quality thusfar in the cover letter here, and there is a considerable degree of overlap! If I had it attached, you would see that yes!, indeed, I attended Florence and Cambridge University! And you would have an iron-strong sense that I, me, am the man for the job. I skinned my ass working for Microsoft the past three years. I now offer to flesh it for you. You say “Ability to travel up to 70 percent of the time.” For you, Emma, I will travel 99% of the time.
Yours sincerely,
Tom “Quatro Beeros” Baxter
P.S. I have re-read your job description, only to discover somewhat to my horror that this for a Solutions Architect not a Software Architect. Semiotics, if you ask me. So please, third official, get out your numbers board, and when play is stopped substitute ‘Solutions’ for ‘Software’!
* My Anglicised moniker doth deceive: I was spawned in the country of my birth (England) but moved to Italy aged only two.
Hi readers, and welcome to my blog. I basically have set this up with one intention in mind, namely to chronicle my trainride of jobhunting as a graduate. Any questions, feel free to get in touch!
